| Xena | |
| *flips over the gates of The Zoo with master precision* AYIYIYIYIYIYIYI! |
| Gabrielle | |
 | *follows closely behind* |
| Gabrielle | |
| What is this place? |
| Xena | |
| It looks like an evil warlord's fortress...perhaps an ally of Ares...*sniffsniff* And I smell an army made up of many men... |
| Gabrielle | |
| Holy shit! What's that?! |
| Penguin | |
 | Meep. |
| Xena | |
| I do not know, but it's about to taste metal! *pulls out chakram* |
| Kate | |
 | Oh fuck, you did NOT just threaten a penguin! That's a crime punishable by death in The Zoo -- and wait a minute, who are you? |
| Xena | |
| Who are YOU? |
| Bono | |
 | *creeps up* Kate, can I touch the pretty lady? |
| Kate | |
 | No, bad Bono. No biscuit. |
| Kate | |
|
I am Kate, the keeper of this Zoo, along with a few of my colleagues, and we live here with a few men we keep as our |
| Xena | |
| So...there is no army? |
| Kate | |
| Um, no. |
| Mama K | |
 | Just a few gay icons and random celebrities. |
| Tania | |
 | Right on. |
| Xena | |
| *lets chakram fall* Gay icons, eh? |
| Eddie Izzard | |
 | Wait wait wait -- do you guys know who this is? |
| Kate | |
| No... |
| Mama K | |
| Not really.. |
| Tania | |
| Um...nope |
| Bono | |
| PRETTY LADY! |
| Ian | |
 | *runs in with seasons one and two of Xena: Warrior Princess on VHS, since they didn't have DVD back then* |
| Ian | |
| This is XENA! Mighty Warrior Princess! |
| Guybrush Threepwood | |
 | And I am Guybrush Threepwood, Mighty Pirate! |
| Guybrush Threepwood | |
| I can hold my breath underwater for ten minutes! |
| Ian | |
| Not only is she a warrior, she is a conqueror of all Gay Icons...maybe even more so than Melissa Etheridge! |
| Kate | |
| *gasp!* |
| Rufus | |
 | Well, this Xena lady is treading on thin ice if she thinks she can best the best of the gay icons here! |
| Xena | |
| Want to fight me, pretty boy? |
| Rufus | |
| I may have awesomly primped hair that gives the illusion that I am a sissy boy, but in fact, I can take it like a man. |
| Legolas | |
 | Yes, he can. |
| Kate | |
| Woah, woah -- you're gay, too? |
| Legolas | |
| Look at me and consider if you want to ask that again. |
| Kate | |
| *looks* |
| Kate | |
| Hrm... |
| Kate | |
| You might kill me. |
| Rufus | |
| *pounces onto Xena* |
| Gabrielle | |
| Wait a minute, am I a gay icon, too? |
| Eddie | |
| I'm not sure. Xena is the most stereotypical dyke |
| Rufus | |
| AH HA! I AM THE VICTOR! |
| Xena | |
| *lies on the ground, almost unconcious* |
| Gabrielle | |
| NOOOOOOOOOO! |
| Xena | |
| Gabrielle? I think...this is...the end... |
| Rufus | |
| You better believe it, bi-otch sheeeeeit! |
| Gabrielle | |
| I love love..no...one..else...*passionatly kisses Xena* |
| Larry | |
 | *whispers* Hey Adam, I've got popcorn! |
| Xena | |
| *comes back to life, because of the healing power of lesbianisn* |
| Xena | |
| *gets up* Let us leave this place of evil, Gabrielle. There are too many people to save elsewhere! |
| Xena | |
| *flips over the Zoo gates, doing that yell thing again* |
| Gabrielle | |
| *follows* |
| Keanu Reeves | |
 | WAIT! WAIIIIT! |
| Keanu Reeves | |
| *drops suitcase and falls to the ground, sobbing* |
| Larry | |
| You know, I've just given up. We're never going to escape. |
| Tania | |
| *hitting palm with whip* You better believe it, buster. |
| Kate | |
| Wait a second. Rufus beat up Xena...but Xena came back to life because of her gay lover... |
| Kate | |
| So, who won the battle of the Gay Icons? |
| Mama K | |
| The world may never know. |
| The World | |
 | Dammit! |