| Ian | |
| *scribble scribble scribble* |
| Matt | |
 | *walks in* |
| Matt | |
| Hey Ian, what are you up to? |
| Ian | |
| Uhm...nothing...*hides paper behind back* |
| Matt | |
| Were you ..erm...working for the government again? Because, if you were, there is nothing to be ashamed of! |
| Matt | |
| *winkwink* |
| Ian | |
| .....*look of utter confusion* |
| Ian | |
| No, I'm..um, just..writing. |
| Matt | |
| Writing what? |
| Ian | |
| Oh, won't you just piss off? I don't want to tell you. Hmph. |
| Matt | |
| Oh, come ooooonnnn... |
| Ian | |
| NO! |
| Matt | |
| *steals paper from behind Ian's back with ninja-like abilities and begins to read* |
| Awkward Silence | |
 | ....... |
| Matt | |
| *look of horror* |
| Ian | |
| Well, heh, I guess you get the jist of it! |
| Matt | |
| Jist? JIST?! LARRY IS FONDLING ME IN ILLEGAL WAYS!! |
| Larry | |
 | *pokes head in* Did I hear "fondle?" |
| Ian | |
| Wait, aren't you straight? |
| Larry | |
| Most of th - I mean YES, YES I AM! |
| Awkward Silence | |
| .... |
| Larry | |
| I'm gonna...*FLEE!* |
| Matt | |
| Ian, why are you writing slash? And WHY THE HELL AM I IN IT?! |
| Ian | |
| Well, ever since you had sex with Rufus in Episode 74... |
| Rufus | |
 | *pokes head in* |
| Rufus | |
| Yes, yes... |
| Ian | |
| ..or was it with me? |
| Rufus | |
| *combs hair* Yes, yes... |
| Ian | |
| Anyway, I've had the need to write the way Kate does...but I can't really get it. |
| Matt | |
| THAT'S BECAUSE SHE IS WRITING ABOUT BONO AND EDGE GETTING IT ON, AND YOU WRITE ESSAYS ABOUT MADONNA! How else would you have gotten into Northwestern while I did not? |
| Ian | |
| O.o |
| Matt | |
| Homosexual relationships are NOT your forte, Ian. |
| Rufus | |
| I'll second that, honey. |
| Ian | |
| Shut up, bitch! |
| Kate | |
 | *strides in* What's going on? |
| Matt | |
| Ian is doing something stupid! |
| Kate | |
| Are you listening to that Beyonce CD again? Because you know those uber-Pop CDs of yours drive me inasne! tATu, Ian, honestly. |
| Matt | |
| No, worse! He's writing SLASH! WITH ME IN IT! |
| Kate | |
| Oh, lemme look! *snatches the slash, jumps on Ian's bed and begins to read* |
| Matt | |
| ....Wha..but...I thought...OKAY, BACK UP. Ian, why in the name of all that is holy, are you writing slash? |
| Ian | |
| Well, Kate is the horniest person I know. So...considering how much sex I haven't been getting here at the Zoo compared to the outside world -- |
| Matt | |
| Because you've had sex with -- |
| Ian | |
| NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE! |
| Ian | |
| atswh-ay aids-ay ni-ay olumbiaC-ay tayss-ay ni-ay olumbiaC-ay! |
| Kate | |
| Face it, Ian, you're a man whore. |
| Ian | |
| Escort. |
| Kate | |
| Is that what they call it now? |
| Ian | |
| But, anyway, look: I thought the slash would relieve horniness. Just look at Kate! She's so...adjusted, even though she is incredibly horned-up on the inside. |
| Kate | |
| *tearing off every bottle label in sight* |
| Ian | |
| So that's why I am writing slash. |
| Matt | |
| But, it's WRONG! |
| Kate | |
| Ian...he's right. |
| Awkward Silence | |
| ... |
| Kaet | |
| Matt should be the bottom. |